"If life were logical the MEN would ride side saddle"~Paul Harvey|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
If you Don't know...(taps foot)'s LiveJournal:
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|Saturday, November 19th, 2005|
|I think Im going through some sort of phase...
Im never gonna be one of those well put together girls. Never gonna quite make it out, never gonna reach that bar. Oh I'll jump for it and kid myself thinking Im gonna make it, and then I 'll fall, hit the ground and say soemthing clever to make everyone else feel better about my hopelessly un-good enough nature.
And it would all be my fault, because Im such a lier, a fake, a fraud.
And I have no one to cry with.
So many people are helplessly annoying me, making me angry, and bringing out my mean-jeans. But in the end I think it must be my lacking, my jelousness, or myy insecurities. Over All I pretty much suck. And whats worse is that I feel alone and detached from most of the world.
I know, I know just writing this makes me a loser...sorry kids had to vent. Current Mood: apathetic
|Saturday, November 12th, 2005|
I ate dinner with two of the three of my best friends Katie and Matthew ( homecomming king woop!).
My boo threw about a hundred dollars in ones up at homecomming.
And he sang to me.
And picked my up, tworlled me around, and kissed me.
|Monday, November 7th, 2005|
Yes this is an entry devoted sole-ly (hahhaaha soooo punny!) to my foot.
I went to the real orthopedic doctor and they gave me the BOOT! Ewwww yes that terrible moon shoe that is ginormous! It was that or crutches for three weeks and I just didnt think I could handle it.
(Dont tell anyone but since I've had it on my foot feels alot better)
The problem is is that Im gonna look like a complate MORON for Homecomming. Oh well I wont cry about it anymore because thats rather shallow...I mean atleast I have a foot. Plus now me and Karl have something to tell our grandkids about...we will be forever linked... due to that HATE crime!!! That car was totally trying to mow us down, Karl dont feel bad I love you.
And my doctor said I need to not drink soda anymore because apparently it depletes my calcium supply.Thanks to my mother putting soda in the bottle I've had quite a few years to deplete my supply! My lack of calcium supply attributed to my bone flaking (creepy image I know,sorry). So I also have to take clacium in hope to strengthen my bones so I stop braking myself. And no babies till after Im 25 which I was planning on anyway but now I have a doctors note. Did you know that you can add calcium to your bones until youre 25, but if you have babies it completely screws that up until after youre 25. I now know wayyy too much calcium...and so do you...sorry! STOP DRINKING SODA!!! Its bad for everyone! Not just calcium deprived me!
Well my moon boot and I have had a reunion...its not the end of the world...and Im sure my boo wont think Im that hideous becaus eof my rather large hardware...and i shouldnt worry what other people will think. Current Mood: pretending to be calm
|Sunday, November 6th, 2005|
|I have a sweet new voice mail!
If I dont answer:
"Why do you call me up caller up, baby
Just hang me up, and not leave a voice mail
And then worst of all you always call , baby
When my phone is off, but Ill call you back
I need you to leave me a message
You know that Ill call you right back
So call me up caller up, don't break my heart"
And if my phone is off:
"Its my life and its now or never, I aint gonna live for ever.
Thats right kids it is my life and Im out having one apparently, so I'll call ya back, bye!" Current Mood: crazy
This weekend/week/threeweeks/ school year/etc, has been very...interesting?
Thursday Karl almost killed me by running into traffic. Lucially we didnt get hit by a car, however I did sustain an injury thanks to the curb. OY!
I have a tendon torn almost off a bone that is flaking. Oy!
Upon hearing that my bone was flaking all I could think of was Tony the Tiger and I resopnded "Thats GERRRRRATE!" to Dr. Maxwell. He laughed. It might be broken too, we can tell in another two weeks. But Im simi-moble, though Im not supposed to be. And Homecomming is on Thursday.OY! But I think I'll risk it for my Boo!
St.Lukes was the most fun I'd had since my injury. They are soooooooo nice there, and fun! But on the way there someting flew off a truck and shreadded my tire...I hyperventilated on the side of the highway. Then I changed my tire. You'd think a girl crutching down 95 could get someone to help her...
Then Debbie left the lights on and the car wouldnt start when we were trying to leave the Avenues. We flagged a man down and he gave us a jump, and I did find a homecomming dress!
Then I had the most wonderful beach time with my boo. I love him soooooooooooooo much! He is perfect! And had he been with me on thursday (when I hurt myself) he would have looked out for that curb for me, he's just that great of a guy...always lookin out!
ANd that was only Saterday!
Friday I crutched to school, my girl boo was angry with me for being on crutches,was made fun of by a teacher, was de-winged, cried, didnt ride in the parade, was cought trying to leave by Ludaway, sobbed alone in the drama room while everyone was paradeing,was denied medical care because of my insurance, people were BEACHES to my wonderful Sweet Tea, AND my dear Ms. Stevens ran the side of her convertable into a pole. But it was ALL worth it because My MATTHEW COLLIN CLARK is HOMECOMMING KING!!!!!!!! Plus my said Sweet Tea and her mommy took care of me all night.
Today was pretty mellow. I convinced my sunday school class to refer to the Philip in the bible as "Dr. Phil" it was very interesting picturing Dr.Phil in biblical times. AHAHHHAA. I beached it up with Mttthew and K-tea. I have to go to the Ortho DR. tomorrow, and I have a SUPER lot of work to do. OY
But I had fun with all of the people I spent time with, even if terrible things were happening and I was in terrible pain and people we wernt spending time with were being terrible. I just hope I get into college and dont fail this quarter! OY! Current Mood: loved
|Monday, October 24th, 2005|
|Monday, October 17th, 2005|
I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a long time last night. I guess the cold cruel slap of rejection never seices to sting.Owwww my soul hurts.
ANd so do my legs, because my gran told me I was getting plump, which was a not so nice way to tell me Im fat, so I went running this morning. MAN I hate how I ran all summer and I stupidly stopped and now Im sore like a mug.
But Saterday brought a moonlit walk on the beach with my boo, nothng could have been more perfect. Current Mood: crushed
|Monday, October 10th, 2005|
|Sunday, October 9th, 2005|
Maiamirage: i cant stop smiling
Maiamirage: seriously, i dont think i have since last night about... 8
GotAluvMe2006: wow your face must hurt
Maiamirage: lol it kinda does
|Saturday, October 8th, 2005|
MAN! I couldent smoke during the SAT, it was prohibited----in the RULES!!
"They say I have the best ass below 14th street, is it true?"
Yes those lyrics as well as all a manner of other Rent soundtract songs were playing through my head :
"By the bridges he burned or the way that she DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED" "Today for you, tomorrow for me" "I wanna go Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Very very distracting, especially when I was trying to focus on early 19th century literature.
ANd my proctor looked like the guy from Hannibal who got part of his brain eaten by Lector. Creepy. Also distracting.
Here are my predicted scores:
Verbal :24 billion-hundred
Math:24 billion ZERO!!!!
As it turns out I wont be getting that 100% Bright Futures due to my lack of geometric recolection. Oh well, Tulsa welding here I come!!!!
Now its time for college admissions!!! Let me get my ESSAY on!!
Its weird how you can almost taste the future...alittle salty.
|Friday, October 7th, 2005|
What a crappy yesterday.
Now Im chillin with my Chin-Ray taking a mental health day. Tonight is for my boo and I. It'll make our today good, and we can forget about our yesterday (his wasnt good either).
OY! Current Mood: hopeful
|Tuesday, October 4th, 2005|
|Maybe it's the rain...
Maybe its the rain, or the fact that I was wearing a pseudo button down shirt today, or maybe it was the pants Harrison and I painted, or maybe it was that dream I had last night, or maybe its because as a small child I would go on naked puddle walks in my Grans front yard when it rained;But throughout the day I couldnt help but having the strong almost uncontrollable urge to take off my shirt and do a table dance...just to see if anyone would notice.
Kinda like sometimes when I go to church (Catholic in particular) and I imagine putting my skirt over my head and running down the aisle and what would happen. Those Catholic's would probably exorcise me, but I bet it'd be exhilarating.
Thought you ought to know...
In other news:
I heard something...MAN! I love it when the fat girl gets the guy, makes me feel ALLLLLLLLLll sorts of happiness. Yes,that was me...being superficial, brutal, petty, and mean, rather indirectly mind you, but all the same.
Dont you hate it when just someone walking into a room can make you want to go all Martha Stewart BEFORE prison on them? OOOOO child, I need to get a hold of myself, and not let it get a hold of me.
And apparently the scripts we got wernt the right ones. Good thing too, I was getting a bit worried we were gonna pull a Pajama Game on those poor Paxon kids.
I have an A in AP psych, and Mr.Saraceno have bonded over, noses, drama, and tree hugging! How I love that old man. AND Mr Viscariello came down yesterday!! He turned my frown UP-SIDE-DOWN!!!! Current Mood: not naked
|Sunday, October 2nd, 2005|
|Condoms are the Splenda of Abstinence
Thats right condoms are Abstinence Substitute. And all contraseptive from this point on will be called "abstinence substitute"
This weekend has been soooooooooooooo good and funny and wonderful.
"Bananna pancakes" is offically mine and Harrison's song. It played the second we got into Hollister's at St.Jons Town Center (which will now offically be refered to as "sjtc" because I only have so long to live and saying all that could take years off my life)where we went after Ghandi day!!
MAN! Those crazy Indians should NEVER be given paint, neither should Harrison now that I think about his finger painting tactics. "Oh Tudor" was said in a VERY funnty Indian accent. We were painting the Zoo's Spooktacular Haunted house, so if any of you kiddies go, it was all us!! There was a paint war of course and grown Indian men were walking around in various states of painted. After getting paint on my jeans anyway Harrison and I decided to make them super trendy and now they look like I spent $80 on them.It was sweet! Then it started raining hard core and we almost got mowed down by women running to their cars with baby strollers, oh my that sould be an olimpic sport. SO Harrison and I went dripping, dirty, and painted into his car and decided on sjtc for din din. We took showers first of course.
He is so wonderful.
Then I spent much needed time with my Matthew.We DC watched and bonded. It was super good. I love that kid, like woah.
Then it was off to a full day of Jesus!Wooo Church!! Current Mood: wondeful
|Thursday, September 29th, 2005|
|Im not going to London...
Thank you for your email.
Richmond does accept fee waiver requests however, you should be aware that we do not offer large scholarships and Federal aid programs like the Pell Grant and the Perkins loan, cannot be used at Richmond.
Most students are taking out substantial loans (the Stafford and PLUS loans are useable with us or, private loans).
The highest merit scholarship we offer is $9,500. The total current cost for one year at Richmond is $31,990. This figure may be going up slightly for the 2006-07 academic year, but that hasn't been established yet.
For information on scholarships and loan usage at Richmond, please visit our web site at: http://www.richmond.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/scholarships.html
Please let us know if you have further questions.
Assistant Director of U.S. Admissions" Current Mood: crushed
|Tuesday, September 27th, 2005|
I cried in ms.jahn's class today. Enough said.
Yesterday I bought an entire chicken and put it on top of the milk in the refridgerator just to see if anyone would notice:
I shutter to think what would happen if I were in the refridgerator on top of the milk.
Im helping with a childrens outreach program...it makes me feel good.
Im feeling increasingly sick...errrrr.I NEED to eat my vegatables!!!
|Monday, September 26th, 2005|
|Where have all the goodtimes gone?
Am I the only one who's noticing this trend?
There seems to be no time for all those you want to spend time with. I mean everybody has something to do, we all have too much to do. Here I thought senior year was going to open the social register. Unfourtunatly we all seem to have other obligations. Its as though adulthood has stumbled upon us prematurely, and instead of waiting for the first year of college or atleast till graduation ( I would even be happy with till we turn 18)the responsibilities are piling up.
Then once we finnaly take care of all the big-kid stuf its like we have toooo many other people to see about.Perhaps we should see it as a good sign that our lives thus far have showered on us so many relationships that mean something, that we cant actually spend the time we would want with all of the people we would like to. At the end of the day there just arnt enough hours.
I guess what Im trying, rather inarticulately, to say is that I miss alot of people that time and obligation dont allow me to see as often as I would like. I only hope this time crunch we all seem to be in lets up before we all leave each other. I guess we just need to really cherish the precious moments we have left with everyone. The time for just being a stone throw away from everyone we love is fastly comming to a close. We shouldnt take for granted the time we have to be around all the people who have made up our second families for the past four or more years. Current Mood: okay
|Sunday, September 25th, 2005|
|Too many subjects
I just heard the Macerana on the radio...My life is complete.
I got electrocuted this weekend and things are a little "charged" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. Oh my, what is actually happening is that I'm blaming all my shortcommings and oddities on the "shock" I recieved on Friday.
This weekend has been good and bad. Had HUGEEEEEEEEEEEEE fight with my Gran and that Evil uncle of mine.
My friends are down and hurting and I want to make it better.
I had a lovely night with Harrison and it made the crappyness of Friday and most of Saterday ( where I almost got ran over by a funeral persession) ok.
Sunday was jammed-packed with Jesus time and Katie. I seemed to have over extended myself again----now Im in charge of the Church drama team...for Christmas? Im also the sole participant of the drama club service project at a local neighborhood outreach drama program. Then there is my role in Anne Frank. As well as this little obligation called homework.And how could I forget those pesky college applications. Plus I would like to still have friends. Oy Im gonna have to figure out some way to not become too stressed. Any ideas? Current Mood: equidistant
|Monday, September 19th, 2005|
|One Month, Mrs.Frank, and a BrightFuture
Wow look how capable I am!!!! I can participate ion a healthy relationship!!! Its been an wonderful month. I'll probabally look back and laugh at how excited I am.Harrison is, in one word, amazing. He's all a girl could want, and he smells good too!We celebrated at McDonalds over my all faverite double cheese burgers, itswere we ate as a couple for the first time...so cute!
I tried out for The Diary of Anne Frank and I am Mrs. Frank. Im married to Cody, and there's only one of the two people I didnt want to work with in the show (I guess its one of those half empty, half full things).Im excited...sort of.
Total buzz kill on my one month anniversary in English! The guidance counselors totally came in and freaked us allout about college.I wanted to cry. All of my friends have chosen not to speak of the "c" word, we find it vulgar and offensive. Which reminds me I've grounded my self for sundays until I finish (and start) applying! I might even have to do it for saterdays if I dont buckle down! I have a 3.26 Bright Futures GPA so if I can bring it up.24 points then I can have a full ride, provided I pass the ONLY SAT test I get to take. Oy which reminds me , I should be studying for that all important anatomy test!
I had a wonderful weekend with my Matthew, we watched lots of Dawsens Creek!! I've decided I'm getting a newspaper subscription when I grow up. I also seem to be going through some sort of nesting phase, I have this overwhelming urge to Windex EVERYTHING! And Im SUPER pyched about the QUILTING FESTIVALLLL this sunday!! Im going on a date there w/ my gran, though I seem more excited about it then se is...I am SUCH and old woman!! Current Mood: happy
|Wednesday, September 14th, 2005|
|Its ALL about my nose!!!!!!!
I was unable to smell until almost the age or four. Which due to the interconnection of the nasal cavity to the taste buds also left me devoid of the miraculous sense of taste. Thankfully for my caregivers, it in turn made me a very compliant eater until that fateful October day when I got a nose.
Now, I had a nose in the mechanical sense. It was there, a little button in the middle of my face, rosy ion the winter chill, sweaty in the sultry summer heat. I had banged my little button at the ripe ‘ole age of nine months when I decided it was a good idea to run down a rather foreboding set of brick steps. It hurt, and I was aware of the excruciating pain protruding from my little infant face, and have been aware of this “protrusion” ever since.
I often credit my lack of ability to properly take advantage of my nasal capabilities in the action of smell as the reason I was so quick in every other aspect of my early childhood. See, my brain was not occupying itself with the common time wasters of smelling and tasting or the subsequent hang-ups and traumas that come along with them. While most two year olds were fighting fervorrently not to eat their vegetables, I could not tell the difference between brussels sprouts and Twinkies. All the time I would have dedicated to eatery defiance I spent, instead, picking up on walking by eight months, learning the fine art of potty training by twenty months, and becoming literate by the age of three.
Had it not been for my nose’s inability to labor past the surface job of keeping my eyes up in place and preventing my lips from moving up in the grand scheme of things, my face in particular. Then I would have developed just as slowly or, “normally” as my older sister . My lovely little nose did its surface job very admirably in the first three years and nine months of its existence. Though that plummet to the bottom of those brick steps did leave its mark. If you look close enough you can detect this battle scar. My right nostril is just a little shorter then the left because of the bloody injury I obtained from my pre-balanced adventure. As a younger child I hated this affliction with a fiery passion from deep within my bosom that I had yet to obtain, and I blamed my lopsided nose for my unbalanced and unattractive appearance. Most of all it was the reason boys didn’t like me.
I have since come to realize that little imperfections give character and provide interest for my face. Plus by about the age of twelve I had seen enough movies and cable television to realize that a full frontal snogging was not going to be deterred by a little less of a nose. In fact it could only run more smoothly. Which is why to this day I am generally a left tilter when it comes to such activities; give and take that’s what relationships are about. My nose helps me to give a little more room and I in turn take a little less awkwardness. After all mid-kiss nose bumpings can be embarrassing.
Although due to mine and my snogging partners personality, mid-kiss nose bumpings are often hysterically funny. My dear little lopsided nose also gives me the ability to snort, yes snort, like Urkle in a math museum, when such situations arise. That of course only leads to more laughter and one of those magical warm and fuzzy roller coaster moments when I think ‘gee, you must love me, I just snorted with no shame, everything is wonderful, this must be it.’
But by and by I must recall how I came to know my nose as more then a slightly unappealing feature that always was the first to get cold and was the target of the many annoying “I got your nose” scenarios of my childhood. I was three going on four when they wheeled me into that operating room on a cold metal table. The walls of the hospital were white, crisp, clean and shiny. It was the day before Halloween and I kept myself entertained by pretending that I was actually going to Frankenstein’s laboratory and was going to wake up tall and green. I always enjoyed the color green. The deep-talking towering men in green scrubs, their voices muffled by the facemasks they were donning, fueled my imagination. It was the best Halloween party ever. The green giants, as I will always remember them, put the cool laughing gas apparatus on me and I drifted out of consciousness, dreaming of what it would be like to be one of those green giants when I woke up.
Waking up however was a terrible shock. I was groggy, the awful kind of groggy you think you’ll never get over no matter how much you sleep. Then I was assailed on all sides by foul, what I would learn to call “smells.” The crisp, whiteness of the shiny hospital walls was no longer pleasant and clean. Rather the antiseptic laytexy plastic smell was so strong and so new I could taste, yes taste it. I was so unfamiliar with taste and how it interacted with my nose that I spent the next ten minutes vigorously rubbing my tongue with the washcloth instead of just clasping my nose shut. My adenoids had been swollen since the hour of my birth. They had blocked the nasal passages so severely not only could I not smell I couldn’t breath either, a cause of alarm for my physicians. Now however the highway to my sense of smell was open and my, was it being traveled.
They wheeled me out in a red wagon through the fall sunshine. A sunshine with a scent, a mix of cool and warm, a five minute old toast sent, as if you could smell on the horizon that it was recently piping hot but has since lost its warmth. I was wheeled all the way to my car. The door was opened and I was engulfed with the cold air-conditioned “new car” smell. A mix of lemon, Vaseline, and pine. I came to realize you could smell if salty french fries were warm or cold. And taste, oh taste! Everything was new, I finally knew what all the fuss was about. The smooth buttery taste of mashed potatoes or the sweet crunchy taste of corn. As opposed to the disgusting leathery taste of cow tongue and the waxy gym-sock taste of brussel sprouts. Well all that time I didn’t spend throwing tantrums about what I would and would not eat of the almost four years prior were made up for the next four years. Which is why in first grade, when everyone was over the whole “will they or wont they eat” syndrome, I was still a key fighter in the battle of taste. All of my contemporaries were learning to spell while I was still sniffing play-dough and being mesmerized by the smell of old shoes. The four years spent not smelling made my nose more powerful. I still cant spell to save my life, but I can tell you how long ago that burger was cooked and when the milk will go bad down to the hour. My nose, the propeller and preventer of my early learning experiences, plus it helps me win the kissing game. Current Mood: nerdy
|Sunday, September 11th, 2005|
|Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
These past few days have been marvelous!!!But being that I cant possiably write it all down ( and more importantly, due to "lack of sleep", I dont remember all of it) I'll just give the highlights...in numbers:
184 miles driven
$60 in gas
1 trip to Al's
6 glasses of tea
2 no swim warnings
1 smore in a cup
2 hours at Shelbys
1 backseat changing
8 Japanese Steak house table partners
3 naked boys seen
1 Erik speedo streaking
1 Pixie stick body shot
2 lap dances seen (2nd hand)
1 Drama Stew (hot tub)
3 movies watched
2 Flassing runs
15 rounds in stick game
2 games of bowling
85 pins down
2 dozen dougnuts
3 sleep buddies
1 bonding talk
1 tearful hour
12 pulled muscles
1 make up
4 robbers next door
9 million sirens
1 deck dock
AND today I got to see Chris Woo for his birthday AND I got new shampoo with Cathrine AND they sung Amazing Grace at church, I LOVE that one.
Ahhhh Blesssing! Current Mood: happy